Andy: We’ve gotta face facts Bonnie, Sarah...

Bonnie: -Don’t you say it…Don’t even think it.

Andy: I’m just saying that…

Bonnie: I don’t want to hear it Andy, not from your mouth…I don’t even want the tiniest inclination…even a smidgen of an idea that you’re thinking it.

Andy: Bonnie, I-

Bonnie: -Don’t Andy…Just don’t. (pause)

Andy: I…I…um miss, you Bonnie.

Bonnie: (gentle) Andy. (pause)

Andy: There was time Bon…there was time that…that…we could have again, we need to have again…Bonnie and Andy time.

Bonnie: I. (beat) I.

Andy: It was good Bonnie. A good time. Do you remember?

Bonnie: (Nods) (Quietly) Yes.

Andy: We’d order Chinese, remember… watch MacGyver reruns? 

Bonnie: I remember.

Andy: You would have to pee so bad, but you’d wait for the commercials and I’d chase you to the bathroom -

Bonnie: -I almost wet myself.

Andy: (Chuckling) You would cuss me out…a blue streak, while laughing all the while and we ran back into the living room in time to see the show.

Andy and Bonnie (In unison)

Andy: Why can’t we get that back…that Bonnie and Andy time? (pause) I know I’m being selfish, but I can’t help it.  Before Sarah there was only Bonnie and Andy.  We’ve always been Bonnie and Andy.

Bonnie: That’s the most s -

Andy: I know, I know…you hate me.  I am selfish…I’m insensitive…I’m a jerk.  But, listen…I’ve got to say this.  (pause) We have lost…Sarah is gone.  The decision was…well, you know…Sarah -

Bonnie: - Andy -

Andy: -We did right, right?  I mean, unless you think it’s my fault.  I admit, I wasn’t to keen on being a father…there’s-

Bonnie: -I don’t blame you Andy.  Sure, you said a baby was the wrong thing at the wrong time…in the long run…my body, my choice.  We were young and scared.  I did blame you at first.  For everything.  I detested you.  But Andy, I love you.  Life goes on, right? (seeking reassurance).  I knew that you just needed to… (trails off) 

Andy: I hated it when you said “my body, my choice.”  Our responsibility, not just yours and there was no choice.  You blamed me and that’s ok.

Bonnie: I blamed you.  I despised you.  You got in the way.  I loathed you.  The sight of you made me sick.  Your voice sent me into homicidal rages.  And while I work through…this process…or whatever, I guess…the whole Elizabeth Kubler Ross thing…you’ve been nothing but patient with me and I thank you for this.

Andy: (hesitant) I love you Bon…that’s how it is right…well…don’t fool yourself thinking you’re over your anger.

Bonnie: I never said I was over my anger. Being angry with you doesn’t change my other feelings.  Don’t tell me how I should feel. (pause)  Sometimes, you’re too literal.

Andy: If you, if…if we don’t rise above it, then we will -

Bonnie: -Rise above it! Who do you think you are, Andy, Tony freaking Robbins? Are you serious?  Rise above It?  How the hell am I supposed to rise above anything, let alone Sarah…?  I can barely live with the idea …tell me how to rise above, Andrew. Go ahead, show me by example, I’m watching, show me. (pause) Maybe we can go to some kind of ‘rising above it’ seminar at Lowe’s or something, what do you think? We’ll start out with simple courses and work our way up, handy stuff like, ‘deck masonry’ and ‘plumbing and electric’.  I’ll re-grout the tiles in the bathroom, put up sheetrock and wall paper the living room, replace the goddamn wiring in the laundry room, AND THEN, I’ll RISE ABOVE IT! (pause)

Andy: You’re upset…I understand, but -

Bonnie: -Has anyone ever told you about your annoying talent of stating the obvious? (pause)

Andy: I like to reiterate for clarity.

Bonnie: Go reiterate yourself then. (pause)

Andy: In fairness, when I said the rise above thing I meant we not just you.  We need to rise above this… (as if harsh epiphany) God, you’re right…you’re right.  How do you…we…how do we rise above the death of our child?

Bonnie: (whispers) Not dead, Andrew, missing…missing.

Andy: The odds Honey, with each passing day…the odds aren’t good that…

Bonnie: Missing…not dead, she’s missing.  I hear her calling me.  Don’t you hear her Andy? Don’t you?  I hear her.  Like tinkling wind chimes, her little voice…her soft hands are cold, her pale blue eyes, they’re full of tears…soft, soft hands.  I hear her calling (in a little girl’s voice) Mommy…Mommy, I’m here Mommy.  I scared Mommy it’s dark and…I scared.  Mommeeee, Daddeeee…Mommeeeee, Daddeeee, where are you? (pause) (normal voice) Don’t you hear her Andy?

Andy: You need to stop this…you’re making it worse for yourself…stop-

Bonnie: -Listen Andy, listen…can you hear her now?  Do you? (little girl’s voice) Mommeee Daddeee, Mommeee…Daddeeee!

Andy: I don’t hear anything-

Bonnie: (adult voice) - LISTEN. (pause) Do you hear her…do you? (pause) (little girl voice) Mommeee. Mommee, Mommeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Andy: You’re scaring me, stop, please, stop.  I’m sorry I don’t hear her like you do…I’m sorry.

Bonnie: You don’t want to hear her.

Andy: I can’t help if I don’t hear the voices in your head.

Bonnie: You know me…I don’t make stuff up…you know me Andy, listen, listen… (pause) She’s gone now.  I… can’t hear her anymore.  She’s gone.

Andy: I’m sorry…but we still have each other.  That may not seem like much right now, but we have each other.
(pause) Do you now how lucky we are to have found each other in the first place?  There are billions of people on this planet and we just happened.  Call it luck, call it fate, destiny, kismet, dharma, karma…call it the grace of God…call whatever you want…Bonnie and Andy found each other.  That’s damn special.

Bonnie: She’s gone.  I can’t hear her anymore, I CAN’T HEAR HER ANYMORE.

Andy: If you…if we…don’t get over this…we’re gonna lose each other next.  I am your husband.  You are my wife.  That means something… something, besides words, labels and names…besides duties and states of mind. (pause) We are Bonnie and Andy.  Our lives and spirits have mingled, our souls are one.  Like when God said, “I AM.”  I say, “WE ARE.”

Bonnie: We are.  We are what? (pause) What are we? Her hand was so soft. (pause)

Andy: God, spouse, child, isn’t that what the scriptures say? Isn’t that the hierarchy? Isn’t that the biblical order of importance?

Bonnie: (spacey) God, spouse and child. (pause)

Andy: How wrong is that?  What an utterly and completely self-absorbed and narcissistic deity.

Bonnie: God, spouse and child.  God, spouse and child.  Poor, poor Sarah.

Andy: An egotistical, self-centered, sociopath, selfish god.

Bonnie: We were created in His image…you, Andy; you were created in his image. I supposedly came later, from your rib.  Why the rib?  Because it encases the heart? Closer to the bone the sweeter the meat?

Andy: It doesn’t matter.

Bonnie: It always mattered to you, until now…now not mattering matters, for you.  You pose and preen like you are a host of an inane syndicated local cable quiz show. 

Andy: Where are you right now?

Bonnie: I’m with Sarah.  I might as well be.  You say you want Andy and Bonnie again, when all you really want is Andy and Andy starring on the Andy show, written by Andy, produced by Andy, and directed by Andy.  Even your best boy and dolly grip is Andy.  Dum dee dum…ladies and gentlemen…it’s the Andy Show…Heeeeeerrrreees Andy.  I see you counting the beat to your theme music that your ego hears.  You tap your foot and snap your fingers, strut your stuff and show the ‘best side of your face to some invisible camera.  Sometimes I think you look for a teleprompter or cue cards before you speak…no improvs or deviation from the script for you.  You wait for the canned laughter and the studio audience to quiet down before you impress with your profundity or baffle with your bull.  Is it no wonder you can’t hear Sarah, you never could because you’re too full of yourself.

Andy: That-a-girl, get it out of your system.  We’ll milk the venom right out of you, like a poisonous snake.  We’ll get it all out and you’ll be as docile as a drained cobra.  I believe in you Bonnie.  Did you take your Paxil this morning?

Bonnie: I’m not going to lower myself to your level by dignifying your simile with a reply. 

Andy: Did you take your medicine Bonnie?

Bonnie: I don’t see how that can be any of your business -

Andy: -You don’t?  Well, it is my business; did you take your meds?

Bonnie: I don’t remember.  And if I did I wouldn’t tell you.

Andy: Why not?

Bonnie: Because, you compared me to a cobra, Andy…a snake.

Andy: I didn’t mean anything by it.

Bonnie: Yes you did.  And you’re right…I am a snake, a cold blooded, unblinking, slithering, calculating snake, leaking death from my sharp hollow hypodermic fangs.  I admit it.

Andy: I can’t stand this crap.

Bonnie: You made me this way.

Andy: Oh, no, don’t lay that on me, you were a nut job long before we met.

Bonnie: You strongly contributed to the delinquency of my sanity.

Andy: If you start singing who’s afraid of Virginia Woolfe I’m gonna scream.

Bonnie: What do you mean?

Andy: (not a question) It doesn’t really matter, does it. (whistles the tune, who’s afraid of the big bad wolf)(pause)

Bonnie: You never wanted to be father.

Andy: A fact I never hid from you.

Bonnie: But it infuriated you that I wouldn’t get an abortion. I wouldn’t give up Sarah-

Andy: - Bonnie -

Bonnie: - I couldn’t do it -

Andy: - Bonnie…Listen -

Bonnie: - I know you had an image to uphold of the young lawyer on the rise.  You said that a baby would cramp our style-

Andy and Bonnie: (in unison)

Andy: - You need to listen to me -

Bonnie: -I’ll never forget the relieved look on your face when you thought I did it…had it done.

Andy: Bonnie, you-

Bonnie: -I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT.  Her hand was so soft…so light, but warm and full of life.

Andy: Bon -

Bonnie: - NO!  I’m not listening…Shhhhhhhhh.  Please don’t say it.  I beg you Andy, if you love me…Shhhhhhh.

Andy: You did do it.  You did.

Bonnie: I wouldn’t.  I couldn’t.  I didn’t.

Andy: You had it done, Honey, the procedure.  It was the right thing to do. It kept all our options open.

Bonnie: No!  Never happened.  Her beautiful soft milky hands. Oh, no, no, no, not Sarah.

Andy: No, not Sarah.  We planned Sarah, she fit, but the other one, it wasn’t part of the plan.  You had an abortion and everything turned out right.

Bonnie: I did not KILL my baby.

Andy: You had to have the abortion…in this case, pragmatically the end did justify the means.(pause)

Bonnie: What kind of people does that make us…what kind of parents are we?

Andy: We’re hard working decent people that made mistakes, like everyone else, we made mistakes.  We’re good parents.  You watch, they’ll find Sarah, the police I mean…you watch.

Bonnie: The odds you said, don’t look good.  We don’t deserve Sarah.  Maybe she’s in a better place.

Andy: Forget what I said about the odds, what do you mean by a better place, like heaven?

Bonnie: A better place, as in anywhere but here…here with us…Bonnie and Andy, having Bonnie and Andy time.

Andy: We have a good home.

Bonnie: We have blood on our hands, we’re murderers.

Andy: We’re human Bonnie, not perfect.

Bonnie: We’re perfect examples of that hierarchy, except not so much in a biblical sense of God, spouse, child.  No, we’re, Bonnie and Bonnie and Andy and Andy and Bonnie Andy, then maybe child.   Don’t know where God fits in this.  And that’s why I lost Sarah.

Andy: We’ve been through this and through this.  You didn’t lose Sarah. (pause)

Bonnie: But, I did, I lost her.  I took her into the city (pause) the crowds were like thousands of waves of people.  We we’re window shopping and a surveillance camera showed her image in a whole bunch of televisions stacked on top of each other.  All of these Sarah’s held the hands of all these multiple Bonnies.  I made up my mind right there to rescue her from Bonnie and Andy.  We walked into the busiest section of the city, she held my hand tight.  Her soft, soft hand. (pause) I let go and she was swept away and swallowed from me, pulled under by a type of undertow not found in the water. And for a minute I saw her as she floated to the surface.  She yelled my name and I started to go for her, but something held me back. She sank back down into the myriad of flowing faces.

Andy: You let go of Sarah’s hand…you let our daughter go?  What is your problem? You are a freaking nut-job.

Bonnie: We don’t deserve her.  Either way, she’s in a better place… a much better place. We don’t even deserve memories of her.  We’re killers, destroyers.  Eventually we would have hurt her or traumatized her in some Bonnie and Andy way.  I gave up one for you, it’s like having an affair, it gets easier the second time around.  We’re done with this, no more about it.(pause)

Andy: This can’t be happening.  I’m in a nightmare…a joke, maybe a sick practical joke. Come on Bonnie.  This isn’t for real.  What the hell did you do with Sarah?  Come on out Sarah, you and Mommy won, games over, you’re scaring Daddy now, come out now.  SARAH!!!  This isn’t funny Bonnie, where’s Sarah, tell me NOW!

Bonnie: Who is Sarah...Sarah who?